Today, July 18, 2025, Kfir Bibas would have been two-and-a-half years old. But he’s not. He’s dead. He was strangled to death. The hands of a Hamas terrorist encircled his throat and squeezed until the breath of life oozed out of him.

Kfir was innocent. A baby. Blameless. Clueless to matters of politics, hatred, jealousy, revenge. But on October 7, 2023 — not even nine months old — he was kidnapped and held hostage in Gaza. No one who loves children wants to imagine Kfir’s last, tortured month of life.

I pray everyday for his little soul and often think of him — and of his brother Ariel — when I’m with my own grandsons. I mourn these lives of potential that were cut so short.

***

The highlight of my week was a sleepover. My husband was out of town and I ended up having a sleepover with one of my grandsons. I had him all to myself for almost sixteen hours. And, for all of that time, I felt grateful. Grateful for the time, the opportunity, the joy, the wonder, the giggles, the warmth, and the love. I hope and pray we are building a positive relationship that will last for many, many years to come.

Before I became a grandparent about 6 years ago, I’d ask others (including ChatGPT!), “What’s special about being a grandparent?” The answers were all in line with: “Being a grandparent is like getting a second chance to experience the magic of childhood—but without the pressure of 2 a.m. feedings or PTA meetings. It’s love without agenda. Joy without responsibility. Snacks without nutritional value (and no guilt). You’re not the manager anymore—you’re the cheerleader, the storyteller, the spoiler-in-chief.” Hmmm, I thought, okay.

After I became a grandparent, however, I learned that this opinion does not reflect how I actually feel. For me, the experience — and sense of duty — is a bit different…. To me, grand-parenting is the opportunity to be much more:

1. A Trusted Guide with No Agenda
   You’re not there to push, but to plant seeds. You offer stories, ask the big questions, model integrity, and quietly teach what it means to live with compassion, curiosity, and courage. That kind of influence doesn’t shout—it shapes.
2. A Living Example of Resilience and Legacy
   You carry decades of experience—love, loss, perseverance, joy—and you can show your grandkids what it looks like to navigate life with grace. They’ll learn from how you listen, how you treat others, how you rise after setbacks. You model lessons learned.
3. A Mirror to Their Identity
   Especially for Jewish children (or any child with a rich, layered heritage), you help them understand where they come from. You’re the keeper of stories, traditions, and truths they may not yet know they need. That’s not nostalgia—it’s anchoring.
4. A Shaper of Worldview
   The way you talk about people, respond to injustice, embrace difference—that all gets absorbed. You don’t just teach values—you embody them. And that shapes how your grandchildren will engage with the world and with others.
5. A Counterbalance to the Noise
   In a fast, distracted, often cynical world, you offer depth, warmth, and meaning. Your presence says: You matter. You are loved. And there is something greater than just right now.
6. A Connection Across Time
   You’re the living bridge between your grandchildren and the past they didn’t know. You tell them who they come from. You help shape who they’ll become. That’s holy work. M’dor L’dor.

I don’t want to be just a grandparent who spoils and shares secrets with the kids. I’d like to be a moral compass with a sense of humor, a leadership mentor in disguise, and someone who’s not just telling them about a good life—but am living one in front of them.

So if the “spoiler-in-chief” image doesn’t fit for you either, good. It’s not one-size-fits-all. Grand-parenting is not about detachment or indulgence—it’s about intentional, intergenerational influence.

It’s a legacy worth leaning into.